A Little Angel On My Shoulder
by luckychaos
Summary: After they are killed, the Angels become little spectral, chibified Shoulder Angels of the person who killed them. That doesn't mean their advice should always be listened to, as Shinji and the rest of NERV are about to discover.
1. Enter Sachiel

Shinji lay in bed, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. Misato had just said that what he had down in Unit-01 was a "good, admirable thing." But... What did he do? The last thing he remembered was the Angel breaking his, Unit-01's... his, arm, the stabbing him in the eye and passing out. The next thing he remembered was waking up in the plug, watching as Unit-01, which isn't a robot at all, regrowing... its... Eyyyyyyeeeee...

Fetal position! Fetal position!

'I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away! I wanna run away!'

_"Oh would you grow up! You're alive Dad dammit!"_

Shinji's wide eyes suddenly regained some semblance of focus. Was that a voice he heard?

_"Hey! I'm talkin' to you Lilim!"_

Slowly, eeeeeveerrrrrrr so slowly, Shinji turned his head. And there, hovering over his shoulder, at six-inches high, was a tiny, almost baby-like copy of the Angel he had killed not days ago.

* * *

Notes: The above snippet was NOT written by me. It was written by K9Thefirst1 on , and I posted it with his permission.

With that said, this story is a Round Robin, with numerous other authors taking a shot at the premise, in order to build up a huge resource for whomever wants to create a full-blown linear narrative with the material. While these omakes, one-shots, snippets, or whatever you call them have been posted on the forum thread for quite a while now, this is being posted on as a means to better organize the omakes by author, Angel, or subplots that are developed on the thread. Also, this NOT meant to be a linear story. All of the omakes will be out of order unless stated otherwise. For instance, one 'chapter' may detail the Israfel fight, while the very next one would hop over to the End of Evangelion.

Credit will be given where it's due, and always with the permission of the original poster. If they do not want it posted on here, then it won't. If you think you have a good idea for a snippet, please send me a PM with the juicy details. You might just end up on here!

The personalities of all the Angels have more or less been established, but feel free to think of new ways to expand on them.

Now, with that all out of the way, get ready for some more Shoulder Angels within the week! And it'll be longer than this, I promise.


	2. Ramiel, Gaghiel, and Iruel: Part 1

Here are some of the first posts made, which mostly focus on Ramiel, Gaghiel, and Iruel.

To avoid confusion, their personalities are as follows:

Ramiel: Bit from TRON (only says 'Yes' or 'No')

Gaghiel: Ghost Nappa from DBZ: Abridged

Iruel: You'll see soon enough…

And the original authors are above the snips with bolded names.

* * *

**Jonen C**

"... Ikari-kun."  
"Huh?"  
"Can I have it?"  
"... What are you talking about?"  
"On your shoulder."  
"... I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."  
_"Nah, is cool. Bitch can see us, dude."  
"Damnit Sach! Manners! She's scary!"  
"Yes."_  
"You can see them? But... Wha? Why didn't you..."  
"You didn't ask. Can I?"  
"You want one? Why?"  
"Please."  
_"Oh, for crying out loud, Sam, she's looking at Rami. Stop clinging you big wuss."  
"Yes."_  
"I guess... Wait, why?"  
"... Efficient?"  
_"Yes."_  
"Uh... Okay?"  
_"Weirdos."  
"I dunno. It's kind of cute how they go together. In an Absolutely Terrifying way."_  
"... Was... Was that a _pun_?"

***Freeem***  
_"Hey! What gives? That nearly hit me!"_  
"To be honest, you deserved it."  
_"Yes."_

"Um... Excuse me for asking... Rami, was it?"  
_"Yes."_  
"Is that the only thing you say?"  
_"No."  
"He's obviously not one to waste words."  
"It's annoying, is what it is."_  
"... Ayanami, you sure you don't want to take one of the other guys instead?"

_"Oh dad! Evil eye! Evil eye!"_  
"Right, never mind."

(Later still, short scene. Rami is a reading light.)

"Light, please."  
_"Yes."_  
"Not so bright... Thank you."

* * *

**luckychaos**

_"Hey Shinji."_

"What is it, Sachiel?"

_"Iruel wants to hop over for a lil bit, that cool?"_

"Sure, sure, whatever."

_"Cool."_

One second later, an amorphous blob of orange goo pops up next to Sachiel. Shinji waves at the blob. "Hi, I'm Shinji."

_"..."_

"Uh..."

_"Don't take it personal, man. He's just waiting."_

"Waiting for what?"

Which is right when Asuka walks into the kitchen.

_"Shinji's eyes automatically linger to her clingy top, and he can tell she hadn't bothered to put on one of her lacy pink bras."_

"What."

No answer.

"Sachiel? Where'd you go? This isn't funny!"

"You're right, this isn't funny."

Shinji's eyes widen in sheer terror. Did she hear _that_?

"I'm ready to go, and no breakfast!"

Barely containing his relief, he simply let out his signature "Sorry."

_"It kills her to be so mean to her beloved, but she knows that if he were to discover her secret love, she would only be met with rejection. For now, she can only content herself with pleasant thoughts of him holding her in his arms as they passionately make-"_

Shinji sprints to his room and slams the door shut behind him.

"Stop it. Now."

_"Hahahaha, man, that is quality stuff right there!"_

_"...are you mocking my work, brother?"_

_"No way, man. Tears of joy right here."_

"But you can't cry."

_"Anyway, you can go back now. I'll call ya later, sound good?"_

Without another word the blob disappears. Little Sachiel turns back to Shinji, pulling off a guilty look despite have an expressionless bird mask for a face.

_"Sorry, man. The others left so I have to entertain myself somehow."_

"Where are they?"

_"Well, the red-haired bitch was giving Gaggy a rough time, so they decided to cheer him up a bit."_

Cut to little versions of Shamsel, Ramiel, Israfel and Israfel, and Sandalphon playing tag with an ecstatic Gaghiel while darting around a furious Asuka, who is making an ineffectual effort to swat them down.

_"BEST. DAY. EVER."_

* * *

**luckychaos**

(For context, this is the infamous elevator scene.)

_"Hey Asuka."_

"What?"

_"You should say hi."_

"No."

_"Why not, Asuka?"_

"Because she's just a dumb emotionless doll."

_"You should say hi, Asuka. It might brighten up her day!"_

"I don't care."

_"Why not, Asuka?"_

"Cuz I don't."

_"Okay, Asuka."_

...

_"Hey Asuka."_

"What."

_"Can I say hi to Rami, Asuka?"_

"If that means you're leaving me, yes."

_"Yay! Thanks Asuka!...Hi Rami!"_

_"No."_

* * *

**FourthWall**

_"Hey Asuka, why don't you try flying?"_

"Urgh, I think I just got an aneurysm from the stupid."

_"Gee Asuka, why are you so stupid?"_

"Middle of Episode 24, start of End of Evangelion. Middle of Episode 24, start of End of Evangelion."

_"What's that Asuka?"_

"Happiest. Moment. Of. My life."

* * *

**luckychaos**

_"Iruel is a little upset today."_

"Why?"

_"Well, he found out that you, the angry bitch, and the cold bitch-"_

_"I really don't like you calling them that. It's rude."_

_"Chill, Sam, they aren't around. So anyway, he found out about you three all being naked in the same room together and that he JUST missed it. So now he's a little moody. Keeps whining about missed opportunity."_

"I-it really wasn't that romantic. I didn't even really see them."

_"What? You didn't even sneak a peek?"_

"O-of course not! Why would I?"

_"...the fact that you even have to ask that is all the reason why! You know what, I'm inviting Iruel over, and Dad help you you're going to like it!"_

_"I don't think that's a good idea, Sach."_

_"Why the Moon not?"_

_"He's busy with the scary female right now. She asked Rami 'what is love' and Iruel hopped over to help her out."_

"What? Oh god!"

A pale fist suddenly crashes through his bedroom door, tearing through the wood as if it were cardboard.

"Ikari-kun, I desire to feel your finely-sculpted chest against my tight and curvaceous bosom."

It is unsure what the exact details were after the Event, but several eyewitness accounts report that at least three apartment buildings were destroyed by what seemed to be a mixture of earthquakes, a penguin, and all of the noodles in Tokyo-3.


	3. It's Gendo!

**GreggHL**

It says something about the existential nightmare that is his life that Shinji Ikari panics over things being normal. It is the lack of freefloating spirits, advice giving mini-angel, and porn writing amorphous entities that has him worried.

Mainly because, for all their incessant chatter, he doesn't mind their advice. That, and it provides a bit of a buffer with the fellow occupant of the apartment, who is now glaring at him from across the living room table.

"They what?" she asks.

He sighs, scratching his head. A few months of living with Asuka has made him less jumpy when it comes to her being...well, her. Instead, he seems more likely to either ignore her or just talk with the...friends...about her. Unless Iruel is there, because then he will relate the conversations about Asuka to the MAGI and then everyone knows about it.

Not fun.

"Well, we were talking, and I asked them if the Evas have their own...well.."

"Shoulder Angels."

"Yeah, since a couple of the Angels were killed by Unit-01 going...berserk."

He taps his fingers together.

"Turns out...they kind of do," he says, "You know how Zeruel's so obsessed with his father? Turns out...my father sort of was in Antarctica, to."

The Tree of Sephiroth lights up as Gendo Ikari enters the mausoleum that serves as his office. Closing the door, he turns to his desk, and stops. Sitting in his chair is a man sized replica of the Fourteenth Angel. Standing on either side of the desk is a man sized replica of the Third Angel and Twelfth Angel.

"Gendo Ikari," the Fourteenth states, "I am Zeruel, Angel of Might. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Gendo blinks, looks at his watch, and turns back to the desk. Yep. Still there.

And without a word, he swings the door open and runs out.

"Get him!"

* * *

**Jonen C**

"I AM ZERUEL, ANGEL OF MIGHT! YOU KILLED FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!"

The human sized replica of the Fourteenth Angel strides with a singular determination, somehow keeping a pace with the running Commander, who has dodged several blasts by turning down side corridors at the last moment. Scorch marks on the back of his jacket are testament to just how close he's been cutting it, and he's dropped both his trademark glasses and, more importantly, his cellphone, but what pisses of the Commander most is that he knows that the Angel is only playing with him. He has work to do, damn it, the scenario will not run itself and one has to work very hard to successfully be a smug bastard.

He takes a turn and narrowly avoids running into the Director of Operations, carrying a MM-1 grenade launcher. He stops, adjusts his jacket, and nods. Stepping aside to let the smiling woman step into the corridor behind him, he does not wait to see what happens before making for the nearest elevator. He has no illusions about his subordinates abilities to defeat this enemy, but that is not required.

"Seriously, we have got to stop meeting like this." the major quips before unloading her weapon into the Angel. Magazine empty, she discards the launcher and whips up a flamethrower. When that is empty, she empties four magazines from a NERV issue PDW and three clips from her pistol, before somehow also producing and throwing six hand grenades, fourteen knives and a tire iron at the Angel.

The dust settles, and the Angel is still there, unharmed, if seemingly transparent. "That's cheating! Turning immaterial is cheating!" The major accuses. "I LEARN FROM THE BEST. MY TURN." The Angels eyes glow as the major pulls a fire extinguisher out of it's mount on the wall.

"Yeah, I don't think so." She throws with all her might, first the extinguisher at the Angel, and then herself down the side corridor. The Angel tracks the oncoming projectile with it's eyes for a second, before unleashing it's blast.

The explosion is heard, muffled in the office of Doctor Akagi.

"What was that?"

_"Just Zero making a nuisance of himself again. By the way, that thing you're working on? Won't work. I mean, seriously, proton packs? Been watching Ghostbusters, have we?"_

The Angel of Might steps out of the elevator and into a great open cavern. The Survivor was a worthy opponent, but ultimately she could not stop him. Still, even Zeruel could be slowed by dropping the floor from out below him, exploding the walls around him, and then caving in the roof above him.

Still, the Survivor had not been able to distract him from his Quest for long, and he was now ready to dispense his judgement. The Enemy was standing with his hands in his pockets near the center of the cavern, illuminated by a single spotlight. Even Zeruel thought that was a bit much.

"I AM ZERUEL. ANGEL OF MIGHT. YOU KILLED FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!"

In response Gendo shifts his head ever so slightly and produces the trademark glint from his (spare) glasses. "Yes I did. Check and mate."

The Angel of Might pauses in confusion for a second, and is crushed by a giant foot.

Gendo Ikari smiles, and walks out from the cavern housing the ghost of ADAM.

* * *

**luckychaos**

Gendo Ikari was bored. All the necessary paperwork for the rest of the day had been filled out, as well as the papers for tomorrow and the day after that. So he pressed the little button underneath his desk, and a plasma screen TV lowered from the ceiling. He took out a remote and pressed the 'play' button.

Shinji was sitting in his room listening to that damnable SDAT again. But the ear buds kept falling out, and Gendo could've sworn he kept hearing his son muttering "Cut that out."

Finally it had seemed the Third Child had had enough, because he removed his ear buds and glared to his right.

"I don't care. I think its good music.

…..

"It's not pop trash! It's a classic from the 90's!"

…..

"That's low. Vanilla Ice is a perfectly fine name."

Gendo sighed and pressed the 'next' button. Usually his son's arguments with himself were more entertaining. But at least now this one was a guarantee.

The Second Child was digging through her clothes, still trying to find her missing bikini top even though it's been over a month since she lost it. She still had that limp, too. Maybe it was because she kept slamming the lame leg against the wall. And, as usual, she was yelling at herself.

"No, I don't know if there are any whales in headquarters!"

…..

"I'm pretty sure we don't have a top secret Pokémon factory, either."

…..

"For the last time, I can't fly-GAH! GET OUT OF MY FACE PERVERT!"

Gendo let out a cruel smile and pressed the 'next' button. For some reason, all of her insane ramblings came down to whales, Pokémon, and flying. Which reminded him; he needed to get the Action Replay for SoulSilver. The Elite Four were giving him trouble.

Rei was….being Rei. He hit the 'next' button.

The Operations Director was going about her usual habits, drinking about 15 beers with the penguin. However, there was third stack of beer instead of the usual two. And Misato seemed to be chatting animatedly with it.

"Ha! Never thought of it that way before!"

"Wark!"

…..

"Okay, hold on babe, we're not married yet! I swear you're a nasty little guy!"

"Wark…."

…

"Zero, I dunno….I….."

Which was when she collapsed on the floor, snoring loudly. The penguin stared at her for a minute, and then turned to the stack of beer.

…..

The penguin nodded sagely and dragged the Director back to her room.  
Interesting. Not that he was surprised, by any means. It was just that he never seen hallucinate that badly before. Gendo pressed the 'next' button.

The Fourth was, of course, still in his hospital bed. Except now he had a TV (bigger than Gendo's, he noted), a cooler filled with soft drinks, and a Playstation 3. The hospital staff swore that they never saw the stuff be delivered, but had just decided it was best just to let it go for some reason.

Gendo pressed the 'next' button.

Ritsuko was working on her computer and, as usual, debating with herself out loud.

"Ah, I see it."

…..

"Okay, now I know you're making things up."

….

"Who the hell is Yamato?"

….

"Did you really have to resort to that?"

…..

"Stop that this instant."

…..

"I'm serious!"

…..

"Why on earth I told you about my college days with Misato I have no idea."

…..

"Hey, we never did that!"

…..

"…okay, that one we did do, but just the one time!"

Gendo looked down. Hm. Interesting. He would have to discuss with Akagi later about the Operations Director's inclusion in the Scenario.


	4. Prep Impact Lance

You MIGHT find this awesome.

* * *

**ThePulse**

_"We don't have enough time to run away. We need to finish the fight now!"_

"B-but Misato said..."  
_  
"I heard what she said, Shinji, but let me tell you what I'm seeing. I see one of those timer things that you Lilim use to measure how long things take. It is currently going down VERY QUICKLY."_

"But if I get to close-"

"Uh...you alright there, new guy?"  
_  
"Listen to me, Shinji!"_ Sachiel shouted, completely invisible to the other two passengers in the entry plug._ "If this thing stops working, you're not the only one who'll bite it. These two will be in danger, and not to mention the REST OF YOUR ENTIRE RACE!" _Sachiel got up close to Shinji's face. _"So get in there and kick my Bro's ASS!"_

A pause.

"...Okay."

"Good. Now, when I say go, I want you to rush Shamsiel."

"...With what?"

"You leave that to me..."

And with that, the Angel of Water dove downwards, phasing through the floor of the entry plug.

Down, down, deep into the core of the armored creature. Deep to the soul resting within.

...

**Who are you?**

_I Am. Sachiel. I Am the Covering of God. Guardian of the One Connected with the Light of Your Soul._

**I see.**

_He is...Precious to You. I feel it._  
**  
Yes.**

_I Want to Help Him. I Wish to Protect Him._

_Will you Let Me?_

...

**Yes.**

Inside the Entry Plug, something could be felt, stirring below. Suddenly, a voice came on inside the Plug, unfamiliar to Kensuke and Touji.

Shinji, however, knew the voice.

_**"INSTRUMEMORY SYSTEM ENGAGED. PREPPING **__**IMPACT LANCE**__**."**_

"Sachiel?"

Outside, the Eva got up slowly, a faint glow emanating from the exposed pieces of "skin."

The glow intensified near the damaged arm of the Purple behemoth, radiating more and more until it was near-blinding.

Abruptly, the glow dissipated. The armor on the forearm of the Evangelion was repaired. Repaired, but...altered, as if it had come off another like it.

Gone was the purple with green highlights. In its place was an armor that was sleeker than the previous, colored a drudgingly dark green. The armor plating continued on, off of the elbow, jutting outwards from the joint.

But most noticeably changed was the hand. The five slender digits of the Eva were covered on the back by two series of armored plates, giving the illusion of a three-fingered hand. And in the center of the palm was a peculiar hole.

With a shrill whine, a pale spine of energy slowly rose from the back of the elbow, moving parallel to the elbow's sleek fin.

The Impact Lance was ready.

_**"You ready, Shinji?"**_

The two passengers looked up in confusion. Shinji, however, nodded in confirmation, face hardened into a look of determination.

_**"Let's go! ASSKICKING TIME!"**_

And with that, Shinji roared as he willed Unit-01 to leap at the Angel.


	5. Zero Tolerance

This took longer than it should've to post. Sorry folks. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Jonen C**

The _Incident_ started innocuously enough: "Did anyone see where Zero went off to?", asks Sach, bored out of his skull as the thrice weekly lecture on appreciating the hard work needed to get post-impact society back to the point it is today carried on. And on. And on.

Misato Katsuragi was in a bad mood. Misato Katsuragi was tired, sore, overworked, underpaid, put upon and flat out annoyed. Misato Katsuragi had not had anything even remotely alcoholic to drink in three days.

But she had finally - FINALLY - managed to catch up on the backlog of paperwork that was the final legacy of the Fourteenth Angel.

She had successfully evaded both her superiors and her subordinates - minions, really, but more like pests - on the way out - another successful extraction from the responsibilities of work.

All this was nothing more than another reason for celebration. This evening, she was going to do a good old fashioned pub-crawl with the old gang, even if it killed her.

But first, she was going to rectify her involuntary state of sobriety, and deaden the uncomfortably heightened awareness that was sure to follow.

She unlocked and opened the door to her apartment, kicked of her shoes and slid open the door to the kitchen, zeroing in on the fridge like an anti-ship missile in the terminal phase zeroes in on a target, hand reaching out to swing open the fridge door and crack open an oh so delicious...

Misato Katsuragi froze.

Standing on the dinner table, not ten feet away from her position by the fridge, was the Fourteenth Angel.

... If the Fourteenth Angel was ten inch tall.

The silence hung awkwardly, much like it felt that it really did not belong, but had to put in an appearance in the absence of a suitable, dramatic and tense, musical accompaniment.

"I'm hallucinating! I've gone so long without alcohol that I'm actually seeing things! Haha! Yes! That's it. Obviously! I'll have some drinks and grab a nap for a couple of hours and it'll go away."

Satisfied with this semi-rational, if completely inaccurate, explanation, she tore open the door to the fridge, grabbed a can of sweet liquid sustenance and...

The can was blasted out of her hand, splashing into the wall, leaving a stain of flash boiled beer over a dented scorch mark.

Misato Katsuragi, Major in the JGSDF on permanent assignment to the UN Special Duty Organization NERV, stared alternatively on her now painfully empty hand, the mess on the wall and the angel on the table as the most brilliant tactical mind of her generation kicked into overdrive and re-evaluated the situation.

"What. The. Fuck?"

The eyes of the miniature Angel of Might glowed, and with a voice that sounded like it should belong to some sort of brawny, action movie hero, rather than a ten inch figurine, it spoke.

"I am Zeruel, Angel of Might. You killed Father. Prepare to die."

The glowing eyes flashed once and Misato - tapping into reflexes kept in perfect condition by constant training, what other people would consider reckless driving - dodged to the side and went for her gun as a second blast zapped past the space she had been occupying to add another scorch mark on the wall.

The battle had begun.

Shinji had a bad feeling about this.

The door to the apartment was unlocked, and the noise coming from inside was... Ominous at least. He hesitated outside, afraid to fully open the door and step inside for fear of what he might find.

"What are you? Chicken?"

Asuka had no such doubts, tearing the door open and stepping inside.

And stopping dead as she entered the bombed out wreck of an apartment.

Shinji hung his head at the sight, realizing it would most likely fall on him to restore the apartment to a livable condition. On the bright side, he figured, it didn't look that much worse than when he had first moved in.

"Are those bullet holes?"

Then again, maybe not.

Curiosity killed the cat, the saying goes, and the noise emanating from the Kitchen triggered a hitherto rarely seen suicidal instinct in the Second Child - she stepped over what had once been the door to a wardrobe, now more suitable for firewood and moved up to the hole where the kitchen door had once been located.

By a heroic effort, her instinct of self preservation managed to get off one last order, and she hesitated a few feet short of the opening, turning back to Shinji and gesturing hard for him to catch up and provide her with some sort of backup or cover, alternatively a human shield or decoy or something.

Shinji, to his credit only briefly entertaining the thought of just giving up and going over to Ayanami's place - he had heard Sam rambling how Rami had been helping her improve her living conditions, perhaps not surprisingly the miniature Dodecahedron was apparently something of a neat freak - sighed and walked forward to meet what would certainly be his doom.

The two Children shared a look and on unspoken agreement, peeked around the corner and into the blasted out remains of the kitchen.

Sitting on an abused, but somehow still intact, chair was Misato Katsuragi - born survivor, functional alcoholic, certifiable bad ass - occasionally sipping from a can of her favorite brand beer as she cleaned her rarely seen and even more rarely used pistol sidearm.

The noise - something not entirely unlike an anthropomorphic personification of a sawmill working it's way through a storehouse full of self-playing, electronic harmonicas, with a vengeance - was coming from the second occupant of the room. The third occupant, a Hot-Springs Penguin terrified to the point of catatonic paralysis, was visible covering in the remains of the freezer that had, until recently being rendered an ex-freezer, served as his quarters.

The mini-Angel of Might, colloquially called Zero by the other mini-Angels, was snoring, lying flat on his stomach on a kitchen dinner table that was surprisingly (miraculously?) untouched by whatever disaster had affected the rest of the kitchen, and apartment in general.

Somehow hearing the surprised gasps of the suicidally curious Children she was ostensibly responsible for over the din of the sleeping miniature giant, Misato gave a jaunty wave and asked how things had been at school, as if everything was perfectly normal, and not, in fact, royally fucked up.

Shinji wondered if he shouldn't, in fact, have run away when he still had a chance.

Asuka just fainted.

The sofa had not survived the battle, but it's corpse was still intact enough to serve as a seat for the now shell-shocked Children while Ritsuko Akagi, Technical Director, debriefed the Director of Operations.

"... anyway, once we established that my bullets couldn't penetrate it's AT-field, not to mention grenades just pissed him off, and that his beams just tickles, we sort of devolved into shouting insults and accusations at each other. Turns out it was of the impression that _I_ personally, killed the First Angel, for some reason, and was out for revenge. Anyway, when I pointed out that, if anything, it was _me_ who should be inflicting vengeance - and it countered that I sort of already had - we sort of came to a grudging truce and decided to settle our grievances like civilized beings."

"So you drank the remains of the Angel of Might under the table? Figuratively speaking."

"Naw. Twelve cans into the contest I distracted it and clocked it in the back of the... Head? With a frying pan. Turns out it's got something of a glass jaw or something."

"... Right. This of course never happened. We are attributing the damages to the apartment to a terrorist bombing and assigning you new living quarters." The doctor turned slightly to address what looked like an orange stain of circuitry on the shoulder of her jacket. "And if you guys can not keep this from happening again, we are going to be investigating how to kill you all off permanently. Understood?"

**luckychaos**

Shinji found it odd that, when asked about her sudden limp, Asuka simply growled and ignored him. Then again, this was hardly strange behavior for her. She had probably tripped or something and was too embarassed to admit it, he'd decided, and his mind turned to back to cooking.

Asuka kept glaring at her leg, as if the force of her glare alone would scare off whatever was causing her limp. Unfortunetly for her, it was somewhat oblivious.

"Get off of me!" she whispered through gritted teeth.

The tiny form of Sahaquiel only increased its hold on her.

_"Hey Asuka."_

"What."

_"You should be nicer to him, Asuka. He just wants you to be happy!"_

"I'll be happy when he lets go of my leg!"

_"Aw, Asuka, you don't meant that. Everyone likes hugs!"_

"Well I don't."

_"Oh. Do you like being licked, Asuka?"_

"Only when it's Kaji doing the licking."

_"Then just pretend I'm Kaji!"_

Gaghiel's tongue, which seemed at least twice as large as his own body length, slammed into Asuka's face, causing her to shriek and fall out of her chair. Shinji rushed over to see what was wrong.

"Asuka! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, idiot! Back off!"

After muttering 'Sorry', Shinji left, leaving her alone with her tormenters.

"_Dummkopf!_ Get away from me! I don't want to be licked, especially by a stupid dead fish!"

Gaghiel sniffled, wiping away tears with his tiny flippers, then let out a wail and ran away into Asuka's room.

_"A little harsh, don't ya think?"_

She turned to see the gold Israfel with its arm folded.

"I don't care. He's just a stupid fish."

_"Aw, come on now."_ Israfel started wiping off saliva with his stringy arms. _"You know he's just trying to help."_

"Yeah, yeah. But why would I want help from something like _him._ Or, or _that._" She gestured at Sahaquiel.

_"Yes, well, it may be difficult to see sometimes, but we're people too, you know. We have real feelings, just like any other Lilim."_ He tapped his finger on her nose at the word 'Lilim'.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "_Schiess_ that sounded lame."

_"Worked on Shinji."_

Slowly but surely Israfel seemed to be inching closer and closer to her face, and this didn't go unnoticed.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?"

_"Merely trying to get a closer look at your beautiful face."_

Wrong answer.

*SMACK*

_"Ow! Come on, babe, we can make this work!"_

But Asuka was already limping away. Sahaquiel rotated his position on her leg to face him and winked.

For a full minute Israfel simply floated there. Then he grumbled _"...magnificent bastard"_ and flew after her.

**GreggHL**

"Pilot, did I give you permission to **bitch?**"

Asuka stares at the freefloating halo hovering over Rei's head. Rei glances upward at the newest addition to their family of shoulder Angels and shrugs. Well, after blowing herself up, Asuka has realized that, maybe, she should give Ayanami a bit of slack.

"Now, listen up," Armisael barks, "I'm gonna explain the birds and bees to you three, since you apparently lack any sort of social graces whatsoever. In which case, the remains of a creature born from the ass cheeks of a glowing giant will have to serve, as he is apparently more knowledgeable about losing his virginity than you three are! Big Z?"

Zeruel floats off of Shinji's shoulder as the halo shrinks. Plunging head first in through the top, the ring slowly stretches as Asuka and Shinji both tilt their heads, watching as Zeruel, with a high pitched roar, tears the ring open and emerges.

"And that's how a human is born! Any questions?"

**Neon Prodigy**

Maya Ibuki was taking a sip of coffee when the annoying orange blob appeared over her shoulder.

_"Maya?"_

"Mm?"

_"Why didn't you __**tell**__ me you had so many interesting fanfics bookmarked!"_

Suddenly, the coffee was all over her computer screen as Maya wiped her lips.

"Wh-what? You were looking through... aah!"

_"Yes! This..._ femslash _thing opens up so many more story possibilities! Why I just started one of you and Doctor Ak- ack!"  
_  
Iruel was cut off as the woman grabbed it.

"Don't you dare! If Sempai finds out, I swear I will find a way to download every virus imaginable into you!"

"Ahem."

Standing a mere few feet away, Ritsuko Akagi, Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba were staring at Maya attempt to strangle the angel.

"Uhm... hi?"

_"*cough* Maybe I'll write that Makoto/Aoba fic instead..."_

**Luckychaos**

_"Wait, go back!"_

"Why?"

_"I thought I saw something in that store back there."_

Shinji stepped back a few paces and peered into the store.

"No."

_"No what?"_

"No we are not going in there. It's...wrong."

_"I thought I saw more of my kin! Imagine; a whole herd of Shamsels just waiting for me to return home!"_

_"Sam, technically I'm younger than you, and even I know those weren't Shamsels."_

_"I want to make sure. I won't be satisfied until you go inside there and closely inspect all of them. This is my family we're talking about here."_

Asuka didn't realize something was wrong until she saw Shinji walking with his back entirely rigid and eyes wide open. In fact, she was sure he hadn't even blinked since he came home. There was also the fact that his stutter was way worse than usual.

"I-I'm g-g-gonna g-go t-t-t-to-to b-b-bed nnnnnow."

When he closed his door, he sat down on his bed with his legs crossed.

_"Hey bud, you kay?"_

_"Why are you worrying about him? I'm the one who just found out his species is being used to pleasure the filthy lilim!"_

_"See Shinji? You think you got it bad? Just look at poor Sam here. He's now the proud member of a race of sex toys."_

_"PROUD? You think I'm PROUD of this?"_

_"Okay man, just...let's compare traumatizing experiences here, okay? You've had your arm broken, face smashed, stabbed, laz-uhed, eaten, and temporarily absorbed into your mom. Now tell me, HOW is going in a sex toy shop worse than all of THAT?"_

"You know what, you're right!"

_"Atta boy!"_

_"...I still don't feel better."_

_"Honestly man, HOW can you comfort someone who just found out that they come from a race of vibrators?"_

Which is when a little orange blob appears next Sach and Sam.

_"Please give me the address to this magical place you call a sex toy shop. I love the lilm. So, so much."_


End file.
